Bulldogs World

It has been years since I got back to this forum. I used to be on alot, until my daughter was born and life just got busy! 

We have two bulldogs, Zoey and Tucker. Zoey is 10, Tucker is 8.

We adopted Tucker 8 years ago to for Zoey. At the time, we just lost our 13 year old sheperd mix, and she was depressed. He's been a huge part of our lives. He has been happy, loved, cared for, and a part of our family. He and Zoey have been inseperable, he's very attached to her. Unfortunately, about eight months ago he was diagnosed with anal gland cancer. We took him to see an oncologist, but after doing her scans, she said the cancer was too widespread to take out surgically. We have been treating him with every available treatment except for chemo, because we were told that it could potentially have harmful effects on our 5 year old daughter. The oncologist gave him "weeks to months" to live.

Since then, Tucker has stabilized. We considered ourselves lucky knowing that every day we had was borrowed time. Unfortunately, our luck has run out. Over the last several weeks he has progressively gotten worse...his appetite is gone and he is very weak. Devasted, I scheduled for a vet to come to our home to help him transition. Today is the day. I called and spoke to the woman we adopted him from, and we shared tears. I called and spoke to his regular vet, who has seen him since he was a pup. Both his oncologist and his vet have told us that this is far longer than they thought he would ever make it, and that it was all due to our level of care at home. I made him food to keep his appetite up. Made him everything from scratch. One day, it just wasn't enough anymore, and he stopped eating. I couldn't entice him wth any kind of food at all.

The past several days have been agonizing. I feel as though my heart is broken into a million pieces. I know this is something I need to do, but my heart is screaming "no!". As I write this, he is next to me, sleeping. I look at the clock and it's surreal to me that in several hours, he will not be here anymore, and that I will never see him again. I know in my head that letting him go on like this would be cruel, yet my heart isn't ready to let go.

You all love your bullies. How do you cope with loss? How do you say goodbye to someone you've considered family -- a child?